Re-defining Marriage in a Modern World
July 8th 2009 10:58
In today’s conversation there will be no quotes from famous men or women of world history nor will there be a summation to try and put a spin on the issue that is up for discussion.
The issue of digging past the spin and double-speak to figure out what happened to the utopian model of family our grandparents and great grandparents passed down from generation to generation but fell on deaf ears in our modern society of conveniences.
Before there can be any talk in favor or against same sex marriage and civil unions the people who are standing up for or against the issue must re-examine the modern definitions of marriage and the break down of social culture from times of honor, chivalry and arranged marriages into the free for all that is occurring on the streets of America today.
The free for all that is the contributor to record divorces rates, loss of communication in homes across this nation, quickie marriages that lead to quickie endings and the ever so familiar marriage of convenience.
Before we dive into the muddy waters of conversation we must break down the difference between a marriage of convenience and a marriage of necessity.
A definition that lies squarely in the hearts and minds of two individuals who must stand before whomever they believe is a higher power, a legal or spiritual figure and a group of witness’s to make what is supposed to be a life long bond to love and honor to each other till death do they part.
Decisions made for the sake of children are different than decisions made for the sake of money or reaching a higher social class.
It would be wrong of me to sit here on my perch and make judgments on one man or woman’s sacrifice in building a future for his or her family but an examination into the McDonaldization of marriage is a another issue all together.
The Jetson like future our elders dreamed of included a society where food would be as accessible as the weeds that grow in between the cracks of a side walk and they got more than they bargained for.
What we have in this society is a no holds barred atmosphere of convenience where we can get a cheeseburger in five minutes, access to news how we want to hear it at the push of a button or a click of a mouse and an assumption that believes everything else in life should be this way as well.
This assumption has lead to a life style engrained in the minds of our children where life is centered around getting a good job, finding Mr. or Mrs. right, securing that big white house with the picket fence and producing a family in that order.
The American dream has turned into an expectation built on the assumption that we can walk up to a kiosk put a few coins in, press a button and out comes everything we’re entitled to.
What happens with expectations is that we latch onto these fantasies and become enraged when everything doesn’t follow this exact course and begin grasping at straws.
Straws that replace the steps of courtship and communication for the classic meeting, short period of getting to know the person we want to spend the rest of our life with and ultimately the marriage.
Years later when we have the big white house and kid’s playing in the yard something clicks when we discover we don’t know the person sleeping next to us and the next phase of our modern society kicks in with the quickie divorce without trying to fix the problems that started way back when with the original hello began the conversation.
The thing that bothers me about the same sex marriage debate is the passion that surrounds the issue when the system of marriage that currently exists is fundamentally broken.
As a kid when we break mom’s vase the first thought that runs through our mind is to grab the super glue and patch it up so she won’t notice the damage that was done…
This mentality is the one thing everyone is choosing to ignore in the debate and is the ultimate reason why we can’t reach compromise on the issue of same sex marriage…
The call during Election “08” between John McCain, Barack Obama, Sarah Palin and Joe Biden was to not redefine marriage but when we really look at that statement we have to admit to ourselves that marriage has already been redefined by a modern society of conveniences.
No politician or government body has the right to lay claim for protecting or redefining the sanctity of marriage because it is society that makes the ultimate decision on these matters.
If we look back at the history of this time honored practice it was the father who was the one who called the shots as it used to be the duty of a gentleman to ask permission of the family patriarch before even speaking to the object of his affection.
In these times of past history marriage was simply about a family’s advancement into a higher social class and gaining prosperity.
Daughters were used as bartering chips that ultimately became property of the husbands who paid a handsome price for children and a happy home.
The cynic could look back at yesteryear and point the finger at the divorce rate in the years leading up to our time and lay claim to a society that got it right because couples toughed it out through thick and thin to make the family work.
For all the talk of family values we have to remember that one of the products of a modern generation is within the fact that men and women have equal rights to get out of a situation that isn’t working.
The reason for this is within the aspects of the abuse that was suffered in the families of yesteryear coupled with philandering that was swept under the rug and the hidden pain that existed when alternatives were not presented to end the suffering.
In a land built on the dream of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness we must accept the good along with the bad.
While it may be easy for us to shake our fingers in shame at a modern society we have to examine the flip side of that argument with the understanding of the things that make our society a better place for every man, women and child.
One thing we must take away from this conversation is that marriage is a sacred individual decision that everyone has the right to.
The love between two individuals will exist with or with out a piece of paper and it is our duty to give everyone the same opportunities to enjoy the society of conveniences and make the same mistakes.
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