True Stories Of The American Dream From the Hearts and Minds Of Real Americans Part I
May 8th 2009 12:04
“We need a new spirit of community, a sense that we are all in this together, or the American Dream will continue to wither. Our destiny is bound up with the destiny of every other American.”
~ William Jefferson Clinton, 42nd President Of The United States Of America
~ William Jefferson Clinton, 42nd President Of The United States Of America
As children we were all instilled with the spirit this country was founded on.
The spirit that said we could be anything we wanted to be in a free society and could grab our very own piece of the American pie.
The American dream with visions of white picket fences, a stable job with good income, meeting the perfect man or woman to build the family structure with and doing all the things we were told would come naturaly in our society.
In this series of postings I’m taking a closer look at what happens when the American dream goes wrong.
There are serious cracks in the system for the American citizens who don’t follow the cookie cutter path towards the American dream and our government structure based off of checks and balances is in a quandary of how to make things right.
This is a true story from an American citizen not much different from yourself who has done nothing but fight the good fight all her life and has now reached her wits end.
From her words I want you to get a sense of the true story of plight directly from a fellow American beyond the media spin and cold unemployment numbers.
In this time of economic crisis it’s more important now than ever that we take care of our fellow man whenever the opprotunity arises.
Our system of government may not be a perfect machine but it can always be fixed if the will of the people is strong enough to give it a push in the right direction.
In the words of Diane Pittman with narration by Khalfani A. King
This story begins in the year of 1995 when I was 15, a sophomore in high school and pregnant.
I can remember being terrified to tell my mother, but did in one simple breath.
“I was pregnant by a 19 year old man and I was in love”
We would have a love like no other and would be together.
He loved me and I loved him and what better way to show him but to have his child.
I will never say this pregnancy was a mistake because to me this would mean my daughter was a mistake and she will never be that.
This was not planned, but obviously not prevented.
Employment was not an option at the age of 15 and this also meant I had to go without medical insurance as well.
I applied for assistance through the Department of Social Services.
At that time I was able to get Medicaid and enroll into the Women, Infants & Children program (WIC) but I was not able to receive much in food stamps because I lived with my mother and father and their income had to be used to determine what I would qualify for.
I declined the food stamp benefit.
“I decided at that time my main concern was how to feed this baby.”
I kept telling myself that WIC would pay for her formula and I would be ok.
Besides that, qualifying for Medicaid meant that I also received free lunch at school.
We all remember how nutritious school lunches are right?
Bottom line, I didn’t want to take advantage.
The social worker indicated that I might qualify for the temporary assistance for needy families program but if I did and chose to use this service the baby’s father would be responsible for paying it back, even though he was in and out of the picture.
I can remember declining this offer because I thought it sounded silly to me.
I mean if he can pay you why not just pay me right?
So at the end of it all I ended up with Medicaid and enrolling into WIC.
Thanks to God’s grace and family support for my child I was able to survive.
She was born 2 weeks after my 16th birthday.
My teachers volunteered to home school me so I could get my education which was my mother’s top priority.
I graduated as a junior with a 7 month old daughter.
I was proud that I was not a statistic.
From the day that I got out of school I was employed.
I worked at Minnieland, Wal-Mart, Pizza Hut, and a dental office.
All to support the baby that I had.
At 18 I had secured a very good position for myself at a Fortune 500 company.
I was 7 months pregnant at the time with my 2nd child, a son.
I was terrified that I would not get the job because I was pregnant, so I dressed in nice clothes that were a little bigger and hid it as much as I could.
I needed this job.
The pay was great and it offered benefits but I wanted more for my daughter and son.
At the end of the interview I was offered the position and accepted.
Majority of the pregnancy was covered by Medicaid but when my son was born I was able to obtain medical insurance through my company.
At this time I now had two children who were the light of my life.
Although times were rough I did not use the system as I felt this would be an abuse of government money and I did whatever I could to make ends meet.
I did marry my love (the children’s father) even though the relationship was never a great one.
I thought this was the right thing to do.
He went to jail for 2 years only 2 months after we were married. We were separated only 6 months after we were married. The divorce would not be final until 2002.
My daughter was 2 and my son was only 6 months old.
I filed and received full custody of the children in October of 2000 while their father remained in the state penitentiary.
To be honest I think him going to jail was my way out.
I mingled and dated and inevitably fell in love again.
In December 2000 I delivered my 2nd daughter and in August of 2002 I delivered my 2nd son. If you do the math, yes I had 2 children by another man when I was still legally married to my husband. I didn’t have the money to pay for the divorce.
For those who don’t know…you should.
It takes $32.50 to get married.
That is if you just by the license and have a preacher you know marry you for free. You really don’t even need rings. The divorce however, is much, much more.
I never said I was perfect and nowhere in this story will you ever hear me say I am, but I was proud.
It was a struggle, but I honestly felt blessed.
After all there are so many people in this world that pray to have a child and they never will.
Here I am with 4 healthy children and I was full of pride.
“These children were everything I had and I did my best to provide for them.”
Finally in 2003, I decided to take the older 2 children’s father to court.
After his release from prison he had also started a new life.
I felt as if he had enough time to get on his feet and make an effort.
Although, on a few occasions he would ask to see the children he felt no need to assist in supporting them.
At this point my daughter was was about 8 and my son 6.
In 2003 a court order was finally put into place.
I had 2 other children to provide for and he also had another son and a new bride.
Due to the child support guidelines whoever makes the most money is responsible for most of the support.
At the time of the court ruling my ex-husband indicated he was not currently employed.
The judge didn’t accept this answer knowing full well that he “could work”, so he inquired about how much he made at his last job.
He gave him a number; the judge inputted this in the system.
He then asked for my income, which was provided by proof of a paycheck stub.
He inquired about who provided insurance and if there were any other children in the picture.
After all was said and done with all the numbers and information entered…
The Virginia child support guidelines determined he was required to pay $277.00 per month for child support for 2 children. Based on the calculations I was required to maintain 68% of the children’s care and he was required to maintain 32.1%.
What happened to 50/50?
Why is it that I have to provide more because what I make more?
Because I decided graduating was important to me and put a value on my education?
He is capable of making more but our society puts him in a position where we require no more than the mother of his child?
What are we expecting him to do?
Why is it that the person who chooses to do better for themselves is the one that is punished?
Isn’t this what we are doing?
Punishing the person who acts more responsible?
To be clear I am not for those child support payments of the upper hundreds and such…
I think that it should be 50/50.
“Bottom line”
If I can provide proof of insurance the other party should pay half.
If I provide daycare and proof of the amount the other party should pay half.
Clothes, let’s give an allowance maybe $50.00-$100.00 per child…
Not much, but be honest, you would be ok with that right?
I don’t know what the guideline is that determines the amount it takes to pay for a child but I do know that the way they are divided is far from fair.
This may be the end of the first chapter but it isn’t the end of the story.
Mind you I only ended here at 2003 but many things have happened since then.
The only thing that has stayed the same is that the system still seems to work for the people who play the game and not for those that simply need a leg up.
I’ll show you why I feel this way and you just might be feeling the same at the end of this series.
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